Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
