finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
