all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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