he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
