I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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