Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
