he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
