She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
