The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
