i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
