Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
that's an acceptable place to lick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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