i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
