like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
