i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
