So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
