we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
