i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
