i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
