we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
