if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
