Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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