Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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