we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
