I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
