god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
