brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
