at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
