drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
