She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mom said you looked used
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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