why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
