garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
