I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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