Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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