it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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