His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
