he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
