yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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