i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
