Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
