I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
