He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
