If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You have to summon your inner elephant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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