Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
