I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
