I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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