i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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