listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
