Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
