I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
