So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
