it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
