you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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