I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
