I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
