my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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