I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
