I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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