apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
