Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
