I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it glows. i had to have it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
