two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
