two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
