rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
