And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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