Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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