I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
