My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
