Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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