i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
