I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
