Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't deserve a penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
